Start small, or start big, start now!
Two afternoons of June 2014, two separate experiences that imprinted me deeply with an intertwined rich message which expanded my essence six summers ago today!
As an ardent observer of life and its human inhabitants, I capture moments that hold me in rapture. This story of empathy, presence, belonging, hope, resilience and compassionate love found its way to my journal.
Today, I resonate with this more deeply than ever when we are faced with an unprecedented global pandemic, its consequential effects on societal, economic and environmental structures and systems, near-collapse of existing orders and norms, failing states and concurrent natural disasters all over the world. Today this page from my journal reminded, re-focused and re-energized me to continue on my path of creating simple human connections as essential pillars of humanity.
June 2, 2014 Monday afternoon….
I walked into a café for a quick bite and coffee before heading back to my work. I quickly munched on my burger while I watched a YouTube video on “How to stay in the present moment even when it is unbearable” by revered Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hnah — we are wired to multi-task to save time even while watching a video on mindful living, irony?
A woman in her late 50s maybe, walked inside with what seemed like her entire belongings — a suitcase, few bags, and papers. She was well groomed and wore decent clothes. But she clearly appeared homeless to me, having witnessed such sights many a times now. She seated herself on the table across me and nibbled on something from a paper plate. I lowered my gaze soon because I was sure I will not convey the myriad of emotions I immediately felt seeing her and probably would end up appearing to her as one of several curious and indifferent spectators, she comes across every day.
Couple of minutes later, she leaned forward towards me and said something. I took off my headphones and leaned forward, still seated on my table. She had very empty eyes in spite of the relatively decent attire. She looked to make a human contact through her gaze and of course, asked if I could help by buying her a meal. I said yes and reached for my purse to pull out a couple of dollars, which make rare appearances in my purse, thanks to my reliance on plastic money! Fortunately, plastic did not fail me that day either. Instead of giving her the two dollars I had, I offered to buy her a meal. She smiled weakly as a courtesy. I wondered why was she not more…. excited? Relieved maybe? Is it giving up on hope or is she too worn out to feel excited about anything? We both walked to the cashier and stood in the line, which had suddenly become quite long unlike just five minutes ago, when I bought my own coffee. Without much prodding from me, she started talking about what she would like to eat, the weather and something else, all this while trying to look into my eyes, trying to find some connection and her eyes shined brighter now than when I offered to buy her a meal. At least, my eyes sensed that in hers. I paid, wished her a good day, and moved back to my table to resume my day, while she waited to collect her food. Not before briefly shaking her hand which she extended to thank me. She made an eye contact while shaking my hand too. Something kept lingering in my mind the whole day, maybe next day too…
June 3, 2014 Tuesday afternoon…
Instead of driving to the gym which I set out for, I suddenly decided to go for a long drive because the rains made it beautiful to enjoy some greenery and the clouds. So, succumbing to my whims, I drove down Rt 50 West to greenery unknown to me, enjoying the windy roads in Aldie, the rains and my music. Those one of you who have driven on hilly, windy roads — there comes points when you feel the road merges into the horizon and you don’t know what lies ahead till you reach that uphill point. Many such points started appearing when suddenly my mind shifted to the moment so vividly that the surroundings ceased to exist. My complete awareness was on the windy road. I consciously focused on a parallel between life and those roads. We are constantly living with the hope and at times, a sense of guarantee that the road exists beyond what we can see. When we reach that point, we will know that it extends beyond and what is its exact course. Yet it is the uncharted, uncertain and unpredictable nature of the windy road that brings us alive on a drive!
A beautiful realization dawned on me in that instant….What if my life just like this road just merges into the horizon at that end point where I am imagining the extension exists? Instead of the guaranteed extension, there lies the merging into another horizon where I will no longer exist as this body, this mind? What experience will I like to carry in my soul, my spirit in this brief time I have now, while driving towards that point of ceasing to exist? How will I be different if I am suddenly gifted a new stretch which suddenly reveals itself just as I reach the point where it all seems to end?
Back to the café experience….
The first image that flashed through my senses was the eyes of the woman I met in the café a day before. And took me a split second to realize that the sense of emptiness, loneliness in those eyes, longing to make a genuine human contact, being happier to chat briefly with me than her food — that’s what I saw a day before and in this moment, the profoundness of that dawned on me. I realized that if these were the last moments I have to carry with my soul, I would not want to have that sense of alienation and sadness in my eyes, in my soul. I suddenly felt so rich and blessed to have genuine love, genuine care, and genuine kindness of so many beautiful people around me. I felt immense happiness that if this moment was real instead of my conscious imaging, I would have no regrets, no emptiness.
And my heart and soul feels humbled. My life feels beautiful because of the immense love I give and receive. I have many blessings that I share, I have communities that cherish and support me. Not everyone feels that way or have love and support. She probably was one of the universal messengers who happened to cross my path today! I merely paid for a meal and she showed me my countless blessings:)
My dear ones, please look around for your messengers! Spot those eyes and add a moment of genuine love, comfort and companionship to those who may not have beautiful people in their lives like us and make their journey less lonely, less sad, more enriched. Giving a piece of ourselves unconditionally need not always be organized charity, volunteerism and need not be friends and family alone.
The windy roads of life might surprise us with dead ends when we are expecting unending extensions. Or extensions may become so long that we forget to live in the moment and wait for eternity instead. Human life is our most magnificent gift and lets share it openly:)
Start small, or start big, start now!
